For years and years, I’ve repressed my anger. For years and years, I’ve tried to keep the fire burning inside me in a cage. I’ve been afraid to let it out. I felt ashamed to let it out. All my life, I’ve been trying to be good. So how can I still be good if all this anger is in me? How can I be good if anger is something so bad? How can I be good if I have anger? Maybe I’m not good. Maybe I never was or will never be good. If I have anger, and anger is bad, then I’m bad. Why do I need so much to feel and be seen as good? Where does this anger come from? Why do I have it? Why don’t I want to see it? Why am I running?
Yes, I am angry. I am the anger. I am the fire that will burn everything down. And still, is anger just bad? Is fire bad? Isn’t it both? A fire can help you stay warm, cook, and do many other things. It can also burn down a village or even destroy life. So what is she trying to tell me? How can I use my anger in other ways, then? Maybe I am so angry because I’ve done so much stuff that I don’t like. Always trying to please others by doing stuff that I really didn’t want to do. I’m becoming more and more full of resentment because I don’t have the courage to say what I have to say. Maybe, I am angry because I don’t listen to my inner voice.
Maybe the anger is just trying to show me my real path; maybe she is just a guide, and if I listen, I can understand. When is there a need to be aggressive, and when there is not? .
Maybe it is the force that can set boundaries when it is needed. Maybe it can be a protector; maybe it can be a creative force. I understand that part of it has its source in the same place as shame… It is fear.
Anger is fire, and fire is life, passion, joy of living, and love.
I am good, and anger is bad. If I have anger, then I’m bad? Maybe I am not that good then.
Maybe I am full of love? I am full of love, not because I am good or bad. Maybe, I deserve love just because I am. I may not be like that, but even if I am, I have my love. And really, what else does it really matter?
Leave a Reply